Weight Watchers Exit Strategy

I was thrown out of Weight Watchers. Seriously – it’s not something they talk about, but occasionally they have to ask people to leave for being disruptive, obviously non-compliant, or otherwise predestined to #fail.

Sometime in 1988, my wonderful, svelte wife and I decided to join Weight Watchers to undo some of the good food, progressive eating and general loafing that occupied the two weeks of our life between our wedding and returning from our honeymoon. Add to that the general stress-induced eating leading up to the wedding, and the job-induced stress of working at small companies that led to more eating, and I was well on my well to being built for comfort, not speed. It was early summer in Boston, everyone was thinking about bathing suits and vacations at the Cape, and I was fighting to take off weight.

I did the usual tricks: got weighed with fewer items of clothing (watch, wallet, shoes, keys) each week in an effort to scratch off another quarter-pound. At some point, though, my natural proclivity for Fig Newtons out-weighed, literally, my interest in Weight Watchers.

The coup de grosse was an exploration of why we snack: we want texture, we want flavor, we want to alleviate boredom in our taste buds. The example given was that if you crave Peanut M&Ms, you may want crunchy textures and sweet tastes, and could get the same effect from a serving of figs, counting as a fruit serving rather than a sugar overload.

Editorial comment, October 10: Bill Cosby video of “chocolate cake for breakfast” removed because YouTube removed it. Perhaps Cosby’s people don’t realize that 90% of the Millennial generation has no idea who he is, why he might have been funny, or why they should care? I’m not even going to post the link to the MP3 downloads of this bit; if you care, search for it, but I’m not going to send traffic his way if they’re going to search out every little clip that might possibly introduce the Cos to another generation.

My quote: “So when I eat a sleeve of Fig Newtons, it’s a fruit, a bread and some optional calories?” This was not met with enthusiasm, or even quiet acceptance, by our group leader. It got me a glare, probably because it was not the first time I’d suggested using “bread” as baked goods substitute, much like Bill Cosby’s justification for serving his kids cake for breakfast.

I’m not sure if it was the implication that I’d only eat Fig Newtons by the entire half-box (one sleeve is a natural portion divider in my opinion; if they wanted you to eat a box in quarters they’d package it as such), or suggesting that various servings could be combined into something obviously not diet-oriented, but that was my last Weight Watchers meeting.

Since then I’ve been watching my weight. Increase.

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