Snowman On Fire » Trayfe

Kosher But Imaginary

stern — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 04:47:33 +0000

Those of us in the six-pointed faith love to argue. We argue about what we’ll eat, and when, and where, and sometimes even with whom we’ll break challah. The Old Testament is accompanied by sufficient volumes of discussion, debate, dialogue, dissection, dissent, and rabbinic dissin’ to make Jay-Z blush: It’s the Talmud, not to mention the Gemarrah. Wrapped inside those wonderful logical puzzles, you’ll find an entire treatise on the laws of kashrut, or more colloquially: What’s kosher?

Why limit these arguments to real flesh and blood creatures? If E.T. landed in your backyard, and you were hungry, could you eat him with a nice cholent on the side? What about Bigfoot? If these food-related questions have kept you up, or kept others awake as you’ve pondered them late into the night, check out The Kosher Guide To Imaginary Animals.

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Pork Is A Vegetable

stern — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 15:08:51 +0000

Bacon has as many forms as forums for discussion. It’s not heart healthy, but it inspires heart-felt loyalty. Richard Stevens, creator of the insanely funny and thoroughly retro 8-bit comic Diesel Sweeties, has had veins of bacon running through his strips for years (sample right). You can tout your own belief in the vegetarian qualities of pork by buying the t-shirt or even show the world your own bacon-producing robot. Yes, I do take pictures of bacon in all of its served splendor and send them to Mr. Stevens.

What good is art, comic or serious, if not reflected in our own strange reality? It’s enlightening (or creepy) when life imitates art. Chalk one up for “creepy” when I encountered this nice slab of prosciutto with grapes on the “vegetarian table” at a conference for institutes of higher education (modulo culinary training schools, I’m sure) held in the French Alps. I’m not sure if placing grapes on the prosciutto makes it a less powerful meat through the circular arguments of rochambeau, or if the untrimmed smoked pork beats the grapes and therefore resolves to a vegetable through the same reasoning.

Or maybe it just fell off the truck crossing the border at Torino, proving that there is such a thing as a free lunch as long as you are flexible with your labels. Prosciutto is not bacon but it’s most definitely pigging out in the vegetable’s domain.

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Ponzio’s Diner: Help For A World of Hurt

stern — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 01:48:48 +0000

Ever have those days when you need comfort food? I’m not talking about a handful of M&Ms because your boss yelled at you, or maybe a spoonful of ice cream in between dinner and Grey’s Anatomy because it’s only Tuesday and you’ve already worked half a normal wage earner’s week. I’m talking about needing to soothe a world of hurt. We’re talking about the short end of 49-0 football games, youth hockey teams that lose their 20th game in a row more than 3 hours from home, maybe finding out that one of your high school classmates has a long criminal record. A world of hurt, the kind you feel deep down inside and must soothe with solid cooking in mass quantities.

It’s days like those that make me drive from somewhere within the 856 or 609 area codes to Ponzio’s Diner in Cherry Hill, NJ. Ponzio’s has been a favorite of my wife’s family for nearly its entire 45-year history, and for good reason: amazing bread, huge portions and a bakery case that reduces grown men to wimpering three year olds who want that Elmo cupcake.

Ponzio’s bread basket is a “one of each” cornucopia of baked goodness: onion bread, cheese bread, cinammon bread, and some whole grain stuff that you can leave for your little sister. Go for calories. Get a dozen cheese breads to go while you’re thinking of it. On the right is my personal favorite, only half listed on the menu: Ravioli with Ponzio’s hot sausage. Yes, that hunk of meat protecting the ravioli is a sausage patty with all of the right seasonings (heavy on the fennel) and the right heft to round out a comfort meal. You have to ask for the ravioli, but the hot sausage is available with an all-day set of breakfast foods.

My father swears by the almond horns (singly or by the to-go box), and Ponzio’s has black and white cookies with an explanation: a thin sponge cake with bi-modal icing. They even win on transparency in the bakery case.

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